Oh, and I guess I’ll add, “this picture reminds me of my marriage.”

• Matthew 5:29-30
• Matthew 18:6-9
• Mark: 42-48

As it turns out, I’ve been right all along and my wife – with all her imperfections – is still the best I’m gonna get. Not that I’d have gotten far – she had my Droid X which, as soon as my gMail account received the “Welcome to eHarmony” email busted out of her purse singing “Drooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiid” and she saw who the eMail was from. She also saw the 20 emails from eHarmony that followed with all the women their algorithm felt were great matches for me. Surprisingly, her reaction was along the lines of “I’m sorry I was such a poopy-head you felt driven to this” and then she started kissing me like she hasn’t in a long time. Now, I’m not recommending y’all run to eHarmony and get caught on purpose but … it was a pretty happy ending.

The Total Transformation Kit arrived today and I realized while watching the Jump Start DVD that this could perhaps help me in my marriage.

I went to walmart.com and ordered it via Site-To-Store so I could pay for it in Florida and she could pick it up at her local walmart. Awesome – you can totally buy anyone a copy and they can pick it up while they’re at Walmart and you don’t even need to pay shipping! The book is only $7.50 online – and there’s no sales tax!

Yes, you should buy yourself a copy of The Love Dare for the Feast of St. Valentine (or, as the Philistines call it – Valentine’s Day) but only do this if you also buy yourself a copy of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages and adjust your dares accordingly. I also highly recommend getting a handle on Emerson Eggerichs’ Love & Respect though that isn’t required – just “I wish I’d known this years ago” kind of stuff.

I am sure that when most guys read or hear 1 Corinthians 7:4 they think of their boom-sticks (if they’re not thinking of them already) or sex in general but I would challenge both men and women to think, instead, of their eyes.

Your body belongs to your wife and that includes your eyes. We all know the Word of God tells us to keep our hearts and minds pure and reminds us that our speech is the most wicked part of our being, all but impossible to control. Our eyes are easy to tempt but, fortunately, relatively easy to control. Keep your eyes pure, sacred and holy. What are “sacred ground” and “holy water”? They are ground and water set apart for a specific, God-dedicated purpose. Nothing magical or mystical – just “set apart.”

Keep Your [wife's] Eyes Sacred and Holy

Let’s forget Matthew 5:28 for a moment – we don’t even need it. Besides, in my experience, the guilt that verse brings is just debilitating and I’d rather it weren’t around. All we need is 1 Cor. 7:4 (Hey, that rhymes … “one core seven four”) which states, without any room for interpretation that your body – including your eyes – are your wife’s property and should be … well, her eyes only.

“Your” eyes are her reserved parking space, her last can of Coke in the fridge, her red Swingline stapler. How would you feel if something you owned or was your responsibility was used for something evil? An easy example is someone uses the gun you keep in your home to protect your family to kill someone – perhaps someone in your family. Maybe a product or procedure you designed harms dozens of people or is used for some ill-gotten gain.

How about this, brothers … your wife cheats on you in your bed, uses your favorite shirt to clean up the mess and then lends the guy your motorcycle to run up to Wine Castle for another bottle. Oh, I’m sorry, was that too graphic? That’s what it’s like when you look at other women with her eyes. See? We don’t need Matt 5:28.

I know I’m not alone in the following scenario: We fight with our wives on the way to church and daydream about the bonfire babes (a hottie that’s on fire for God) in the singles group.

“Why can’t my wife be like that guy’s wife? He’s not even that good looking. I’ve still got more hair than him and my belly’s not that big. Look at her … while my wife is nagging me to discipline the kids, she’s raising her hands, highlighting her Bible, and sprinting to the altar call. Not to mention how great her butt looks and she’s had twice as many babies as my wife!”

Again, let’s dismiss the whole coveting thy youth pastor’s wife commandment. Let’s forget you’re lusting like a Matt 5:28er. You are using your wife’s eyes to dwell on that other guy’s wife’s butt with unholy desire. That is sacrilege. That is an abomination. You are defiling the eyes you gave to your wife. They’re not only her property, they were a gift from you to her. Imagine if the aforementioned shirt wasn’t yours … imagine it was that Def Leppard bandana you won for her at the county fair when you were dating? How would that make you feel?

One Flesh In Every Way

Matthew 19:5 reminds us we are one flesh, regardless of what we do. So it’s not just that your eyes are your wife’s property but they are, in fact, hers. What one spouse does poisons the whole marriage because they are poisoning their spouse – the other half. Sure, sure, the believing spouse sanctifies the unbelieving, blah blah … but you’re supposed to be a man of God and you are undermining and subverting any effort your wife is making by dwelling in sin. The harm you’re doing might not be as direct or intentional as the demons who are attacking your marriage, but don’t deceive yourself – you’re as bad as those demons and I can assure you they cheer you on, brother.

You’re spiritual Siamese twins and if one of you is a junkie, so is the other.

Remember when you swore to her and God you’d kill or die for her? There was no deed too humiliating to endure – you’d be honored to be her fool. You’d come to her ass-kicking rescue like Arnold rescuing Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies. There was no torture you couldn’t tough out to save her. Ever seen that bumper sticker, “Get on your knees and fight like a man”? Ducking fists and dodging bullets is easier and less scary than spiritual warfare, I know. Especially when it comes to marriage. Because grace, long-suffering, patience, and being meek is hard – especially for a man and his pride. Men were born to fight so fleeing is counter-intuitive. But flee you must.

Your Eyes At Work

If that girl who sits next to the coffee pot always flirts with you, quit drinking coffee. That girl at work who is even cooler than your wife was back when your wife was cool … you know the one … she thinks you’re brilliant and awesome … the opposite of what your wife thinks … be rude to her. You don’t need to explain anything. Just find something else you’re supposed to be doing someplace else you need to be. Flee. Don’t lie to yourself and say you’re just looking or they’re just thoughts. Let’s suppose for a moment that sexual fantasy, masturbation, flirting, and gazing at the butt in the pew in front of you are all “victimless crimes.” Let’s agree that there’s never, ever a slippery slope when it comes to this sexual – or, rather, relational – sin. 1st Corinthians 6:12 says you’re right, “All things are permissible” but you must agree, “not all things are beneficial.” You’re right, “All things are permissible,” but be careful, bro – do not allow yourself to be controlled by anything. Is that behavior harmless? Really?

Run Like a Girl

You can’t beat sin. You can’t. Forget it. There’s no “fight or flight” choice here – there is only flight. Let me tell you about my first martial arts lesson. The class was in a park and we sat around the instructor.

“I’m going to show you the most effective martial arts technique known to man,” the instructor told us, “I need a volunteer for role-play.”

That was me. I was excited and scared. I bent my knees to lower my center of gravity and pulled back my fist. Before my fist even changed direction, the instructor turned and ran.

And kept running.

I’ve never forgotten that.

I know I don’t need to quote James 4:7 which says if you resist the devil then he will flee (If … then …) and I warn you – if you know what’s good for you – please, don’t go read 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. Seriously, don’t. You’re only going to feel even worse.

But still. Flee. Be a loser, be a coward, be a man … and flee. When the hot girl comes on TV or in the movie close your eyes like a dweeb – a dweeb that loves his wife and holds her and “her” eyes sacred. If you have to avoid eye contact with women at church and walk staring at the ground like those emo kids in the youth group, do it.

Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife and I’m sure looked and felt pretty stupid doing it. Can you do something that feels stupid for your wife? For yourself? Part of what 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says is you’re sinning against yourself.

The Perfect Killing Machine

Satan never sleeps. He never rests. He is always on task. He is mission oriented and the only thing he hates more than humans in general is marriage. He is vigilantly, tenaciously, constantly, actively, attacking your marriage. 1 Peter 5:8 says that. Job 1 shows us Satan himself saying he’s got nothing better to do than seek and destroy humans. But he’s not alone. Oh, no, my friends – he’s got you for his little helper. The Anti-Christ has his whore of Babylon and Satan has his naïve little bitch named You.

James 1:13:15 is Satan’s cookbook, his spellbook, his journal of mad-scientist rants and ravings.

1. Each one is tempted when,
2. by his own evil desire
3. He is dragged away and enticed.
4. After desire has conceived,
5. Desire gives birth to sin
6. The sin grows
7. and gives birth to death

Sin gives birth to death. Satan hunts us and – his hands are blood-free – tricks us into killing ourselves. His weapon isn’t tangible, it is sin and sexual sin is – even more than other sin – a sin against yourself that gives birth to your death. Satan makes you his blind & stupid bitch, gets you pregnant and your offspring kills you. Your last words will be, “We were just flirting … I was just looking.”

If not Biblical Law, Natural Law

Everything has consequences. If you think the Bible is blowing things out of proportion, okay … let’s keep things in perspective. Let’s bring it into the real world. Are you okay with Isaac Newton’s third Law of Motion? That’s the one that states every action has a reaction. Every “cause” has an “effect.” Everything has consequences. Some might say you’re either growing closer to God or further away. Every step either takes you closer or – if you’re off by a fraction of a degree – further and further away.

Perhaps more importantly is the 1st Law of Thermodynamics (James Prescott Joule) which states that neither matter nor energy (and – if you trust Stephen Hawking – information) can neither be created nor destroyed.

What do these have to do with sin? Well, we’re all familiar with the concept that sin must be paid for through sacrifice, correct? Bible believers accept as a given that whether it’s a bull, goat, dove or Jesus someone or something has to die as a ransom. Sin can’t just disappear – or be destroyed. What you must also accept is that sin has consequences – direct or indirect. One might say sexual sin is like pouring water on a gremlin. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that Paul Vischer, in his magnificent “What’s In the Bible?” series portrays sin as multiplying tribbles. Sin has consequences and sometimes those consequences – or “punishments” – seem unfair in proportion to the crime. It’s hard to talk about “fair,” however, when no one held a gun to Eve’s head and no one in James 1:13-15 holds a gun to yours … it is by your own evil desire that you are enticed, dragged away, raped and impregnated with a child that will kill you like you’re in your little Greek tragedy.

Sin must kill something. The above mentioned sacrifice only “erases” it. It only pays the ransom. That’s the optional part – your choice to repent and be redeemed. That doesn’t erase the consequences or the fact that Sin is a killer. Its purpose is to kill and it will not “die” before it serves its purpose.

Will your sexual sin kill your spirit? Your marriage? Your family? Something else you’ve worked for? Will it kill the trust your wife had? Will it kill the respect you got from her, your children, friends and co-workers? Sin isn’t the effect of you doing something … sin is the cause – the death of something is the effect.

James was big on saying don’t deceive yourselves. Don’t kid yourself – your eyes belong to your wife and there’s a thief who will climb through “the windows to your soul” and crap all over it … defiling and destroying it … one look at a time.

This is not a list of resolutions.
This is a blueprint for a revolution.
Nikki and I are fighting to evolve beyond “better than last year.”
We’re exhausted from “winning” so-called “victories” defending our marriage.
It’s time to broaden the scope from Spiritual Civil War.
It’s time to end this ongoing battle through escalation, domination and annihilation.

I’m tired of being the Rocky of the first fight in Rocky III.
This will be the year of my family’s revolutionary war.
1-1-11 is our independence day

We will not survive the attacks – we will slaughter the enemy
I will not stand my ground – I will take theirs
What shall the powers and principalities in my life experience?
Hiroshima, Nagasaki, German Jews and Native Americans received more mercy

What will these demonic Philistines face?
No longer the older sons of Jesse nor cowardly soldiers of Saul
but the youngest and smallest son of Jesse and Saul’s replacement
Not a man who seeks God’s approval
But a man who seeks God’s heart.

I have to say … I’ve learned more about love since I married her than I ever thought there was to know … what it means, how it feels, how it works, what it is, how it acts …

Another thing I’m just now realizing is … she doesn’t like or care about … poems, songs, photoshop collages (since I can’t draw or paint), notes, “words of affirmation” and all that romantic stuff and it drives me crazy because that stuff just pours out of me … but … I just now wondered why … maybe the question is … why am I compelled to do those things? Is it because (and I’m totally not committed to this theory … it’s just running through my mind) I feel the need to … prove myself or seduce her? There’s no need to court her … I’ve got her and she’s more committed than any girl ever.

But what about this compulsion to … give … to … demonstrate … my love? Well, if it’s really and truly sincerely genuinely me wanting to show her … instead of me showing what an awesome husband I am … I should simply change how I demonstrate that … try harder than ever to speak her love language … which … might just mean something as simple as … changing the frequency I transmit … instead of sending out poems and such … I send out … buying her house-wife stuff and … mowing the lawn and cleaning dog poop … without being asked … because … that makes her feel loved …

Seriously … why did this take me over 8 years to figure out?